Abortion is typically not something that most people think of affecting men. However Abortion can and does affect both men and women and in this article we will explore how men feel about abortion.
Just like some women support abortion so some men do support their partner's decision to have an abortion. However, there are other men who are opposed as in the case of a man who sued an abortion clinic in Alabama in 2017 when his girlfriend had an abortion in her 6th week of pregnancy.
"I'm here for the men who actually want to have their baby," the man told a local news agency in February. "I just tried to plead with her and plead with her and just talk to her about it and see what I could do. But in the end, there was nothing I could do to change her mind."~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
This case was the first of its kind as:
"the court recognized the fetus as the plaintiff and the father as the representative of his baby's estate. "~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
For some men they feel trapped when a women tells them that they are pregnant. As in the case of 65 year old Karl Locker who looking back when he was in his 30's says that he felt "like one of those wolves with its leg caught in a trap". ~~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
Karl however was one of the "good guys" who tried to support his then girlfriend throughout her pregnancy.
"I tried everything, I offered to marry her, to take the baby myself, or to offer it up for adoption," Mr. Locker says, explaining that he felt keeping the child would be the right thing to do. "She said she could never give her child up for adoption - it didn't make cognitive sense." ~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
However, Locker's partner choose to have abortion and so Mr. Locker drove his then girlfriend to the clinic and paid for the abortion. Afterwards he ended up moving to California, not able to handle what he had done. Mr. Locker says that his faith and starting another family is what saved him, but that "I've thought about what happened every day for the last 32 years." ~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
How are Men Involved in Abortion?
Men are usually involved in abortion by either steering the woman to have an abortion against her will or supporting her in the decision to have one. Some men however only find out the abortion after the fact, or the abortion may go actually against their wishes.
Polling that has been done shows that a majority of women do not regret having their abortion, however there have been fewer studies that indicate how men feel. This information comes from post abortive support groups which means that a vast majority of men are unaccounted for. However the information that comes back from these groups is that the men often have "feelings of anger, guilt, shame and deep sadness on anniversary dates."~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
"Men are meant to be protectors, so there is a sense of failure - failing to protect the mother and the unborn child, failing to be responsible,"
says 61-year-old Chuck Raymond, whose 18-year-old girlfriend had an abortion in the late '70s when he was a teenager. "There is incredible guilt and shame about having not done that." ~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
"Currently in the US, fathers have no legal rights to hinder the abortion of a pregnancy for which they are responsible. State laws requiring that a father be given a say in, or even notified of, an abortion have been struck down by the US Supreme Court." ~~https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49240582
Men of course do have the right of avoiding unplanned pregnancies by choosing to use condoms or abstinence. However, beyond this they have few rights under the law unless
If a woman chooses to continue with a pregnancy he may be held financially responsible for the upbringing of the child, regardless of their relationship or his part in the child’s life
If she chooses to have an abortion she may do so without his agreement.
Why Are There So Many Unplanned Pregnancies?
One of the most significant issues with unplanned pregnancies is the failure of birth control. Annually, an estimated nine out of every one-hundred women get pregnant even while on the pill.
Those who rely on condoms, that number jumps to twenty out of 100 women! ~ washingtonpost.com. IUD tends to give more protection as those who rely on it for one year have shown that “just one, or possibly none, will get pregnant.”
However, birth control options may be more challenging for those with low income as they may find themselves with: no maternity leave, not a flexible work schedule, and lack of reliable transportation, etc.
Unfortunately, birth control can have unwanted side effects like potential weight gain, hormonal imbalance, and candida/yeast infections. The good news is that there are alternatives to standard birth control pills, such as the device called “Lady-Comp”. Lady comp uses a women’s basal morning temperature combined with the date of their last menstruation cycle to help determine whether she is fertile or not. It is an excellent tool to plan for the desired conception without traditional birth control’s possible side effects.
Why are Some Men Involved and Some Not
Depending on the type of relationship some men may wish to be involved with their partner's pregnancy while others do not. In a committed happy relationship, the man and woman will be more open to sharing their feelings, opinions and fears.
In this environment they may share how they see their future playing out and if that involves children. However, some women wish to conceal their pregnancy as they don't want to be blamed for contraceptive failure.
Also, if it is not a committed relationship, the woman may not choose to involve her partner at all. There are of course other reasons why a man may not be involved in a woman's pregnancy such as rape, disapproval from family and friends, and finally a women's belief, that what a woman does with her body is her decision.
WHY DO MEN WANT TO BE INVOLVED?
Men in general agree that the final decision for or against abortion depends on the woman. However, they also feel the need to express their feelings and concerns.
"If a man has a chance to say how he feels he might feel satisfied that his partner understands and has heard his feelings and can take them into account as she makes her decision." ~Abortion: advice for men – Brook
Its important for men and women to listen to each other and taking into account all options and opinions. This enables the couple to understand what each other is going through as well as being able to support each other in the decisions that are being made.
HOW DO MEN FEEL AFTER AN ABORTION?
All Men are different in how they respond to an abortion. Some may feel relief, some may have feelings of guilt or shame and some may feel indifferent. Some men may feel guilty for causing an unwanted pregnancy or question the decision to have an abortion, even if it was initially agreed upon.
Some men may be worried about the possibility of a breakup, or if the woman wanted the child that they may be to blame. Whatever feelings that men and women have concerning pregnancy and abortion, it is important to talk things through with each other and to seek the help and counsel of people who care about you as well as possible counseling services. These types of decisions are not to made lightly and should be talked through with the help and support of those who have an understanding of who you are as well as your pregnancy.
So... what are you options when facing an unplanned pregnancy?
You have three general options when facing an unplanned pregnancy:
Raise the Baby: Find resources that are available to you.
Adoption: Adoption involves creating the parent-child relationship between individuals who are not naturally related. Some local Adoption agencies here
Abortion: Get your questions answered and find help near you. You are not alone.
Spend some time reflecting on your options
Unplanned Pregnancy: “Unintended pregnancies are pregnancies that are mistimed, unplanned or unwanted at the time of conception.” ~ wikipedia.com
Why Women Choose Abortion vs Adoption
"In 2017, Planned Parenthood performed 345,672 abortions, or approximately 40% of all abortions, making them the largest abortion chain in the United States. Even as the overall national abortion rate has declined over the past two decades, Planned Parenthood's abortion numbers have increased substantially during this time period."
In a study done in the early 2000's women were asked about their reasons for abortion, and the possibility of putting up their child for adoption.
"In a 2004 survey of 1,209 American women at 11 major abortion clinics, women revealed that health problems, rape, incest, nor coercion by family members or partners were not the primary or even secondary reasons for seeking an abortion." ~The Real Reason Women Choose Abortion (actionlife.org)
Most women who have an abortion, 92% of them listed "other", while 7% state health issues played a factor and only about 0.5% decided to have an abortion due to rape.
Abortion advocates hypocritically point out that women seek out abortion due to pregnancy health risks. However, in this study, most women who choose abortion do so as they believe its the easier solution.
The study also showed that choosing to abort their baby, was not something that these women truly wanted. However, they were convinced that it (abortion) was the best and sometimes only option.
"It is tragic that women facing a difficult or unwanted pregnancy see abortion as their only option." The Real Reason Women Choose Abortion (actionlife.org)
When asked to consider an alternative like adoption, about 1/3 of the thirty eight women interviewed viewed it as "morally unconscionable" because "giving one's child away is wrong." ~The Real Reason Women Choose Abortion (actionlife.org)
This line of thinking that Abortion is somehow the better choice than to placing your child up for adoption, shows the great amount of emotional turmoil, confusion, and fear that plays a part in the many women choosing abortion.
"How has it become unacceptable to place a child for adoption, but justified to kill that same child? The profound moral confusion caused by legalized abortion is painfully evident in the accounts given by women in this study."~ The Real Reason Women Choose Abortion (actionlife.org)
Listed below are the reasons given in the 2004 study of Why Women have Abortions:
25% Not ready for a(nother) child/timing is wrong
23% Can't afford a baby now
19% Have completed my childbearing/have other people depending on me/children are grown
8% Don't want to be a single mother/am having relationship problems
7% Don't feel mature enough to raise a(nother) child/feel too young
4% Would interfere with education or career plans
4% Physical problem with my health
3% Possible problems affecting the health of the fetus
<0.5% Was a victim of rape
<0.5% Husband or partner wants me to have an abortion
<0.5% Parents want me to have an abortion
<0.5% Don't want people to know I had sex or got pregnant
(Statistics taken from: Reasons U.S. Women Have Abortions: Quantitative and Qualitative Perspectives, by Lawrence B. Finer et al. published by the Guttmacher Institute, 2004 )
Why Women Choose Adoption vs Abortion?
It is estimated that about "half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended." ~Facts About Adoption Instead of Abortion (healthfully.com)
When faced with an unexpected pregnancy, the mother has three choices. She can either choose abortion, choose to raise the baby herself or with the help of family, or consider adoption.
It is important to consider the facts about abortion or adoption, as well as pregnancy options that are available. Abortion may seem like a quick and easy solution, but it however does carry MANY risks as well as emotional trauma.
Here are some of the RISKS associated with Abortion:
Perforation of the uterus
Alcohol and drug abuse
Child neglect or abuse
Divorce or chronic relationship problems
Suicide. ~Abortion Facts Archives - Pro-Life Action League
It is estimated that 4 out of 10 pregnancies will result in termination of pregnancy. 88% of those abortions are done in the first twelve weeks and over 70% of those women that choose abortion, say that "they experienced negative feelings about the situation." ~Facts About Adoption Instead of Abortion (healthfully.com)
For those facing an unwanted or difficult pregnancy, it is sad to think that "women facing a difficult or unwanted pregnancy see abortion as their only option." The Real Reason Women Choose Abortion (actionlife.org)
Beside the obvious risks and feelings of grief that can occur from abortion, we believe that science itself proves that abortion indeed takes the life of an innocent albeit unborn life. From Biology we can see that from conception springs forth an organism that contains all the necessary human DNA required for life and "as far as observable science is concerned, human life begins at conception." ~Life in the Womb Archives - Pro-Life Action League
In our opinion every life is important, even the life of the unborn. We encourage every would be parent to please take into consideration the beauty and intricacy of their unborn child. Remember the ripple effect that a stone tossed out in a lake makes, how each ripple of the stone creates a bigger one than before. In the same way we believe that each and every life is precious and holds a world of potential, perhaps to even change the world!
To see a Fetal Development in the Womb Timeline click here.
"Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting of another, usually a child, from that person's biological or legal parent or parents. Legal adoptions permanently transfer all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents." ~ wikipedia.com
Putting up a baby for adoption is not an easy decision, but is the best choice if the alternative is abortion. There are so many adoptive families who are just waiting and longing to have a child of their own! Sometimes in the adoption process, birth mothers can feel guilty about putting up their baby for adoption. They may have feelings of grief, anxiety, or just feel like a failure for not wanting to or being unable to care for their child. Whatever the reasons may be for choosing to place your child for adoption, it can be an emotional and hard decision for any woman and for everyone involved. However, that being said to create an adoption plan with a potential adoptive family can be the right decision in the health of your future child.
Why an Adoption Agency?
Adoption Agencies are created to help connect birth mother with potential adoptive parents. For those who choose adoption, an Adoption Agency is a logical and safe choice. Adoption agencies are able to set up meetings with prospective adoptive and birth parents and be the liaison between the two. An adoption agency is also able to handle details concerning the adoption to make it legally safe for all involved parties as well as help keep accountability on the welfare and health of the adoptive child.
The adoption process is not always easy and having trusted adoption services can make a world of difference when navigating the road of choosing adoption.
What Does Adoption Mean to a Child?
Putting a child up for adoption can be one of the most complex decisions one has to make. However, sometimes it can be the best decision to choose adoption, especially if the birth mother is young, unable to care for her child, or is physically unfit. Placing a child for adoption is not always easy, but the best choice when choosing between abortion or adoption. Those who are adopted children may feel not wanted by their birth parents, resulting in feelings of depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, etc. However, placing a child in the care of a loving and supportive family can change their future into a bright and happy one. Also, there are options in the adoption process like open adoption, that make it possible for the birth mother and father to be a part of their adoptive child’s life!
Facts About Adoption Benefits
There are many couples who want to be pregnant and are unable due to health challenges. These and many other families are searching for potential children to become a part of their adoptive family. In fact there are 560,000 couples who are currently seeking to become adoptive parents in the US alone.
There are different types of options available as well for adoption such as a: semi open, or open adoption. In either scenario the parents are able to determine the amount of contact they wish to have with their child and adoptive family.
Some parents choose to remain an active part of their child's life while others feel that in the interest of all involved, it would better if they not interfere. Whatever choice, adoption instead of abortion is the best option!
Here are some facts about adoption that a 2007 National Survey reported about adopted children:
● Adopted children were more likely to be read to every day as young children (68 percent of adopted children vs. 48 percent of children in the general population).
● Adopted children were more likely to be sung or told stories every day as a young child (73 percent of adopted children vs. 59 percent of children in the general population).
● Adopted children were more likely to participate in extracurricular activities as school-age children (85 percent of adopted children vs. 81 percent of children in the general population).
● More than half of adopted children have excellent or outstanding reading, language arts, and math performance.
Report from: ~ https://www.americanadoptions.com
For birth mothers dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, it can seem daunting and overwhelming. However, there is no reason to be afraid. You don't have to do this on your own! There are many FREE services available from medical, counseling, even financial assistance or living expenses!
We are Operation Rescue Me are here to support you by connecting you to local and national services that can help you with unplanned pregnancy options!
For more information on local and national services click here